Journal Entry -- 5 January 2014

I have had a very difficult time sleeping because Jim [my husband] and I have some huge decisions that we have been considering.

One thing that has been on my mind is the foster care application we've been working on.  Something very interesting happened with it on Thursday.  I was supposed to drop off the application a few days earlier, but it hadn't worked out.  So, I stopped by the office to drop off my application.  As I talked to the social worker, [who I'll call Rebecca], she told me that just a couple of hours earlier she got the information on a little boy that needs a home.

She told me quite a bit about the boy.  His name is [Preston].  He is four or five years old.  He is white with brown hair.  He sounds darling.

Rebecca did warn me, though, that he is a handful.  The doctor said that she thinks Preston is ADHD and is somewhat mentally delayed.  The Doctor did say, though, that she believes Preston can easily catch up with the other children.

He has been living with a foster family that is Hispanic.  They speak Spanish in the home.  He also has three other boys int he home so there is quite a bit of fighting and aggresiveness.  So, most of the concerns that Rebecca had, she attributed mainly to the environment of the home.

As a family, we have started to pray about Preston.  I feel that of all of our decision in our life right now, this is the biggest.  I feel so burdened with this decision on my shoulders.

Journal Entry -- 29 December 2013

***This journal entry was written while we were in the training and application process of being foster parents.

There was a quote from my training for foster care that has stuck with me.  The teacher had said, "If you can't accept their past, you are going to have a difficult time accepting the child."  This has really hit my heart deeply.  This has meant to me that I will have to forgive somebody that I have never met for horrendous things done to a child.  That seems impossible.  But, I've realized that I can do it with the help of the Lord, and with a lot of love for the child.

My biggest fear through all of this is that I will become cynical.  The teacher of the classes I went to was horribly cynical, and it was difficult.  I don't want to be that way.  I am grateful that I have switched to a Foster Family Agency with a social worker who is a positive and kind and fun woman.  I truly believe that it is the right thing.  I truly hope I can do some good in this world.

I have noticed, also, that with the learning and experience of being a foster parent has helped me greatly to be a better parent.  I am absolutely grateful for that.  I hope that it continues to help me know how to be a better parent for my children and for foster children that come into our home.